Posted by Jim at March 28th, 2005

I’m not particularly enthusiastic about do it yourself projects unless they involve computer programs or role playing games. My wife, on the other hand is very enthusiastic about do it yourself projects that “improve” our house.

At the risk of marital discord, I’ll explain why. First of all, though I do have some understanding of how to use tools, I don’t have much of an urge to build things. On a practical level, this means that I come to any home improvement project with a completely blank slate and a deep fear of hurting either the house or myself.

The fact that most home improvement projects seem to involve electricity does little to dispel my fear.

Two examples of memorable past home improvement projects:
1. I am busy with school. Kristen decides that we have had a broken light in the kitchen for far too long. She removes the old light from the ceiling and tries to put the new light in, but, the wires coming down from the ceiling just won’t stay twisted together with the wires from the new kitchen light. She asks me for help. Hours later, I have finished, having unintentionally taken over the entire project. And then I’ve still got schoolwork to do.

2. It is fall. Things are just beginning to cool down for the year. Kristen buys a new computerized thermostat which allows us to set warm temperatures for when we’re supposed to be home and cold ones for when we’re gone. This is a wonderful idea. She turns off the power and begins, taking off the old thermostat and beginning to install a new one.

Unfortunately, the old wires that come out of the wall (and I mean old in the sense of having cloth rather than plastic outer coverings) don’t twist very well either and tend to break off when you attempt to attach them to the thermostat. This problem is compounded by the fact that they aren’t long enough to reach the point where they’re supposed to connect to the thermostat to begin with. As an added bonus, the process of taking the old thermostat off makes it impossible to put it back up.

I end up taking over the project, taking the day off from work to do it. This means that I twist extensions onto the wires, watch the wires break, learn how to twist the wires very carefully, and finally make things work after making 5 visits to the hardware store.

By the next week temperatures dipped into the 40’s.

I must now mention for those readers who happen to be my wife that there are many home improvement projects that Kristen has completed entirely without my help or assistance–including painting the living room, kitchen and dining room. It is also worth mentioning that the new thermostat has saved us several times it’s cost.

The fact that they really are improvements doesn’t stop me from dreading them.

This weekend Kristen intends to remove the tub surround and tile the bathroom. Tiling will be done with my mom’s assistance (she’s put up a lot of tile). I will end up removing the tub surround from the wall with help from Kristen’s father. I’ll also be involved in putting up the cement board that the tile will be placed on.

You can bet I’ll be looking forward to it.