Jim's Brain Online

One thing that I notice as a result of working downtown is the number of people asking for money. When I used to work at a market research firm out in the suburbs, I never ended up being asked for money at all. I'm sure this is largely because in the suburbs you park directly in front of the building you want to go to and you don't walk anywhere.

By contrast, parking is much less common downtown. You park whereever you can and then you walk from there. Also, of course, property is much more private outside of the downtown area. You can easily call the police and charge someone for trespassing if they're on your property. In the downtown, you have public property and a lot of rental property. As long as you're not in someone's shop, they don't care what you're doing.

Thus, if you work downtown, you will be more likely to be asked for money at some point than you are to be left alone.

I find that I have two competing impulses when asked for money. One is to give it ("...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me..."). The other is not to. The "not to" impulse comes largely out of a dislike of being manipulated.

What I mean by that is that when people come up to me, they seldom have a frantic look in their eyes and don't really display an outward sense of worry. Generally, they seem to have a practised line of approach. I often get the same feel from them that I get from salesmen in stores and over the telephone. Basically, I sense a script and a bunch of standard responses to calm objections.

Some Common Elements:

A small request: Usually the person asks for 20 cents or 80 or something small. Bearing in mind that it's easier to hand over a buck than fish through your wallet for change, the people that do give probably give more than that. Also, psychologically speaking, once you decide to give a small amount, you can generally be asked for a bigger amount later.

Race: White people don't like to consider themselves racist. When I've been asked for money, a number of the people who have done it have implied that if I don't, it's because they're not white.

A memorable example of this came one day on the way to my car. I had noticed a black man waving at something as I was walking. Because I didn't know the man from Adam and there were other people on the street, I assumed that he couldn't possibly be waving at me and walked on. After a bit he caught up to me, beginning the conversation with "Do you know how racist you are?"

Being trained in sociology and psychology, I tend to assume that I have unexamined race related issues. Thus, rather than defend myself, I assumed that it was a rhetorical question and that he would soon launch into an explanation of how racist I was. Thus, I said nothing. Stymied by my lack of response, however, he stopped for a moment, then completely changed topics. Talk turned to money rather quickly nonetheless.

Interestingly, I've seen this in reverse as well. Once a white person asked for money saying, "Got some money for a white guy?" Presumably he felt that being white made him more deserving than a black person. That or he thought that I would. Possibly both.

Religion: I've had more than one person imply that they're Christian or ask me if I go to church and then point out that they need help. Partly this seems an effort to point out that they are trustworthy people, partly an attempt to imply that I am not living up to my religion if I don't help them.

Daughters: Every time someone has come up to me asking for money, it turns out that they have daughters. Daughters who are waiting in the car (which is out of gas). Daughters whose mother has died of AIDS. Daughters who desperately need money for something. Even in a society where women are viewed as capable of supporting themselves, the idea that a girl needs help somehow has more resonance than a boy needing help. At least that's my explanation for the utter lack of boys in the stories I hear.

Actually, so long as I'm on the topic of gender, I should note that I've never had a woman ask me for money. Only men.

A Story That Breaks the Mold:
Though most stories seem to be created to assure me that the person is desparately in need of money for food and not the sort of person who would spend money on mind altering substances, I've talked to someone using the exact opposite technique.

"Do you have a buck, mister? I'm going to spend it on beer. It's for my nerves."

I'm going to assume that it worked, because I've talked to a number of people who apparently talked to the exact same guy.

My Conclusions (such as they are):
The ironic thing about the whole thing is that people can't be making a whole lot of money off this. You could spend 5-10 minutes talking to someone and get 50 cents. Basically, if you have to walk up to someone and ask for money, you're living in poverty at best.

As such, even with the manipulation included, you're probably still giving to someone who desperately needs it. In that sense, it may be money well spent if you can afford it yourself. I'm more inclined to give to organizations that try to solve the problem of poverty than people who appear to be in it, but people do need help that organizations can't or won't provide.

I've heard of one person who set a certain amount of money she was willing to give per week. After that point, she'd say no. It's a compromise, I sometimes think about trying.

Still, it's a hard choice for me. I'm not naturally inclined to trust random strangers, but there are people in need everywhere and I don't want to miss helping someone who genuinely needs it.